At Just a Shop, Sir, we pride ourselves on being a haven of steampunk splendour, peculiar collectables, and clockwork oddities. But what truly sets us apart—beyond our questionable tea selection—is Sister.

Yes, that Sister.

Is she on the payroll? Possibly.
Does she have a defined role? Unlikely.
Is she in charge? Unquestionably.

Who Is Sister?

To define Sister is like trying to staple fog to a dirigible. She simply is. Ageless, enigmatic, and apparently immune to known concepts of time and physics, Sister occupies a vital-yet-vague position at Just a Shop, Sir. Think of her as the shop’s spiritual engine, HR department, and enforcement division—rolled into one fabulously mysterious figure.

Her duties include, but are by no means limited to:

• Deciding what goes on the shelves via some kind of ritual involving tea leaves, Latin, and a small badger named Melvin.

• Staring at misbehaving customers until they apologise to the display cabinet.

• Tuning the brass instruments by humming a single, perfect F♯ that causes local pigeons to salute.

Legends of Sister

Nobody knows exactly how long Sister has been with us, although some claim she predates the Industrial Revolution and the common sandwich. Here are just a few of the confirmed-unconfirmed rumours surrounding her:

• Sister once sued a hedgehog for criminal damage to her allotment. She won. The hedgehog now works in the back, packaging items.

• Sister once dated Benjamin Disraeli. She really doesn’t want to talk about it, and you definitely shouldn't bring it up unless you're wearing protective goggles and carrying a peace offering.

• She once fixed a misbehaving steam-powered laptop by whispering Shakespeare at it. The device has since gone on to earn a degree in Comparative Literature.

• According to local folklore, if you chant “Discounts, dear Sister” three times in front of a cracked mirror, she appears and charges you double for cheek.

Is She Magical?

Hard to say. She denies it… usually while levitating a teacup and turning off the Wi-Fi with a glare. She does smell faintly of lavender, brass polish, and forbidden knowledge.

We once asked her directly and she responded by handing us a spoon that whispered the entire works of Jules Verne when stirred clockwise. So… maybe?

Why Sister Matters

In a world of automated checkouts and customer service bots that barely recognise your voice, Sister is the warm, perplexing constant in our lives. She doesn't run on algorithms—she runs on sheer will, old maps, and a mildly threatening sense of grace.

She’s what keeps Just a Shop, Sir from becoming Just Another Shop. And frankly, we wouldn't dare operate without her.

Next time you're browsing our store and feel the hair rise on the back of your neck—congratulations, you’ve been clocked by Sister. Behave accordingly, or you may find your boots inexplicably filled with marmalade.